When I first heard this quote, it was from Dr. Phil Mcgraw on his television show. he was employing it in marital counselling and he interjected the word "sometimes" into it. However, it seems that it is good advice for life as well. sometimes, you make the right decision : in marriage, in family, finances, life in general. Sometimes you have to use whatever choice you have made and turn it into what you really want. this wisdom seems to have been lost in the disposable society we live in. Families, children, marriages, all seem to be thrown out like broken toys when the "fun" is gone. there are always the "what if's" that are used to justify throwing away a family as well. "What if she/he is not my soulmate; what if she/he was unfaithful; what if I just don't love them any more?" sometimes the answer is "so what!" No one promised that any of those things are guaranteed. the most important thing is to look inside first. what makes anyone think that being with another person will make a difference? thats just insane! Indeed, Einstein wrote that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Yet, over and over again, men and women leave the family they have committed to and look elsewhere. It would be a rare thing to get something perfect on your first try. in other venues of life we practice until we make it right. why dont we practice marriage and family relationships to make them right? Families are not disposable and once thrown out,they cannot be fully repaired. I am by no means suggesting that anyone, male or female, should stay in any relationship that is abusive; however, I am suggesting that the level of excitement or boredom in any relationship is subjective and changeable. Being married, means falling in love over and over again and hopefully with the same person. (mignon Mclauglin)
An ancient Chinese proverb became popular as the divorce rate increased in the 1970's :" if you love something set it free; if it comes back it was yours, if it doesn't it never was." My mother pounded this into me as an effort to overcome what she saw as my tendencies of being jealous and clinging to my then boyfriend and future husband. I frequently argued the logic of this position: if you love something or someone, hold onto it with all of your might. tell them with words, actions and deeds every day how much you love them. make sure they KNOW how bereft you would be without them and fight away any and all interlopers on your relationship whether they profess to be friendly or hostile.
too often women,especially, assume that since they are married to an adult male their responsiblity for keeping the marriage alive has ended. it has not. ask anyone who's marriage has lasted happily past 25 years how they did it and the answer will be that they nurtured and protected the marriage like any loved one. I will admit that there were many time in my own marriage that poverty was what kept us together, and for that I am grateful. my husband truly is my best friend and my one man cheering section. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like if I had followed the inane pop culture advice and set him free. I have clung onto him through good times and bad, rich and poverty, sickness and health. just as we promised at the front of the church.
despite challenges of money , job, relatives and raising our 2 sons, one of which is disabled, we leaned on each other, to become what he likes to refer to as
"a couple of clingons" we might not have made the right decisions, but we made the decisions right!
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