There was a large tornado touch down this week in the Midwest USA. Not surprisingly, since it is named tornado alley, there were also several injuries, deaths and devastated homes. The reporter noted that one problem was that there were very few homes with tornado shelters and went on to interview a survivor who said, "Our house had a tornado shelter, that is why we bought the house," as his home was a pile of rubble and bricks behind him. That is why he bought the house?????? Is that not a reason, NOT to buy a house. Here is a clue if the person selling it has a tornado shelter in the backyard, they probably have a reasonable expectation that there will be a tornado!~There is no cure for stupid.
My greatest personal introduction to this phenomenon has been as Connor's mother. People ask and say things to a disabled person or a disabled child's parent that they would never think of saying to anyone else. I learned early in my career as Connor's mother that when it comes to the disabled community, it is no holds barred with what the public feels they can say or ask.
My answers have included (but are not limited to) "no, he does not suffer from anything; he HAS cerebral palsy", No, he is not afflicted, crippled or mentally challenged; he has, cerebral palsy" "Yes, he is quite brilliant", "No, I do not believe that God only gives us what we can handle and not more than you can handle. Yes, you could do what I do. I dont know what will happen when he grows up, but then, I didnt know what would happen when Jarrett grew up." and my personal favorite, "They let them go to University???" (this was from a very sweet elderly lady at a bluegrass festival!" see..... You cannot cure stupid.
You develop quite a thick skin when you maneuver through the maze of parenting a child with a disability. I was taught early by parents of older children that you would never "get away with" with the things you can with an able bodied child. Strangers on the street have no problem telling you if your child in the wheelchair has a runny nose, dirty shirt or messy hair. Relatives will let you know if they think that you are over reacting, under reacting or simply not pulling your family weight. (one of our step parents told me that I should just stop mentioning that Connor had a disability, that he was a lovely child and that his cerebral palsy was "no big deal"--this became our chuckle for the rest of our stresses).
My greatest lesson in the "lack of social filters" came when Connor was in Grade 12. I worked permanent nights, so my husband was responsible for Connor's breakfast and sending him on the bus to school. That morning they had decided to have Lasagna for breakfast. When I woke up from night shift to meet the afternoon bus, there was a phone message waiting for me from the head of the special education department, saying that Connor had been sent to school with particularly "bad breath" and that they felt he had not been cared for properly by his father in the morning. She went on to say that Connor had indicated that he did not feel comfortable telling his dad in the morning to brush his teeth more, covertly implying that we may be abusing Connor.
My response was swift and harsh. I put together a oral hygiene kit, complete with brush, toothpaste, floss and mouthwash and a scathing letter. I also visited the errant supervisor to let her know that if Connor had been an able bodied child, this conversation would never have occurred. I knew that because Jarrett had gone to the same school for 4 years and not once had I heard about "bad breath."(and believe me, he had it!)
Although these rhetorics have left me somewhat bitter, they have also left me more tolerant and more knowledgeable, so for that I am grateful. However, I still wish that there was a cure for stupid; it would really make it easier for everyone.
I have added this link to a video and friend showed me that truly expresses what I am talking about.
for the record, all of the things in this video have been said to Connor at one time or another
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNoVSusaAVE&feature=share
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