Orphaned

Yesterday, I became an orphan. My father passed away 12 years ago from cancer. at that time his passing, although he was in hospital for 3 weeks, seemed sudden and unexpected. He never made any secret of the fact that he was terrified of dying and especially of dying young. However, he was gone at age 63. there was a hole in my heart, that to this day has never completely healed. to say he was my hero, would not be grand enough. There were times, growing up, when I believed he was the only human being on planet earth that "got me." and that did not change until I met my husband.
My sister and others had a very different opinion of my father: tyrant, bully and perhaps worse have been used to describe him. but to me, he was always "Daddy."
My mother passed away yesterday from the lingering ravages of dementia, chronic pain and diabetes. My relationship with her could not have been any different from that of my father if I had planned it that way. Everyone, and I mean Everyone (including my husband) adored my mother. She appeared to be fun, gregarious and loving. Yet, our relationship was strained. From me, her oldest, she wanted more, and it seemed no matter how much time, love or attention that I devoted to her, my best was never good enough. In my mind, she was never happy, never contented with what she had or where she was and her only way of staying superior to me was to belittle, tease and insult me whenever possible, including as many relatives in the "fun" as possible. Unfortunately, I was never one to let any slight or insult pass; therefore, the altercations between us were too many to list.
 There came a point in our lives where she told me that she no longer wanted or needed me in her life, and though she had thrown me out of her life many times before, this time I had the strength to hold her to it. Sadly, I never have been happier or more contented in my lifetime than in the 2 years since I became free of her toxicity. Still, her passing leaves an emptiness; a mountain of "what ifs" and unanswered dreams. She was committed to a nursing home for the last 10 months of her life and this had been her greatest fear: to die alone in a nursing home.
I have been asked, on more than one occasion, if I would be okay with her passing and me not seeing her. it seemed that everyone but me, was uncomfortable with my decision than I was, most especially my sister.
I have to say that I am okay with her passing. to me she died a long time ago. My sister could not conscience or condone my choice. She felt that she could not understand it and could not respect it, so she chose to severe ties with myself and my family and since I was not present to defend myself, in this process, I lost all of my family: aunts, uncles, cousins as well.
The story has a happy ending. Family does not necessarily mean the people you were born related to. My friends, work colleagues, and in-laws have stepped up to fill the void, so much so, that I literally feel the love surrounding me. My husband, who is indeed my best friend, is a rock of support and my children have never deserted or questioned my choices.
In the biological sense of the word, I am now an orphan. Yet, I have never in my life felt so much love, support and companionship that has been extended to me in the last 24 hours, I know that I will not face the world alone. but I will have a troupe of "Moms" backing me up. That makes everything worthwhile.