My husband left me socks on the couch yesterday before he went to work. Now, very few women, perhaps even men, would find this gesture romantic. but, to me, it was wonderfully romantic. why, for one thing, the socks are in the basement with the laundry and he knows that climbing the stairs is really painful for me; he saved me the steps downstairs. He put them on the couch hanging and picked out the valentine socks (red with pink hearts). here is where I see other women, time and time again, miss the romance boat. I was wearing black that day and the socks definitely did not match; not to mention the fact that it was April and long past Valentines day. However, I knew (having been together over 30 years) that Max meant that gesture with the most of romantic minds. Yet, I also know that had it been another woman (not all women mind you, but some) she would have looked at the socks, ranted about the colour, the fact that he left them on the couch and that it was not valentines day. this would have led to the man feeling like an idiot and unappreciated. it is unlikely he would have done something similar again or have been agreeable to doing something traditionally romantic. why should he? You didnt like the first gesture!
I knew I was meeting him later, so I wore the socks proudly and thanked him when I saw him for thinking of me. Romance is where you look for it.
I knew when I first started dating my husband that I would have to be forgiving in the traditional interpretations of romance. to say that he was unschooled is an understatement. He did not know about buying jewelry, flowers or writing poetry. His compliments are off-handed at best and he has become famous for some of the "foot in the mouth" things he has come up with in our long marriage. Many would have given up long before now.
I have another theory: I like that he is unschooled and even somewhat offensive at times, and here is why: I know that he is not out being flowery, flirty, and seductive with other women. while I realize that I am highly cynical, I still believe that if a man is suave and seductive to you then he probably knows how to be suave and seductive to everyone else. If he knows how to say the right things to women, he may be out there saying the same things over and over again.
I have often been accused of being insecure in this matter; I beg to differ. I do not believe that I am insecure, just pragmatic. early in our careers as parents of a child with special needs, we met another couple who's sons were the same age as Connor. All of the wives were Jealous of the husband in this relationship: he bought flowers for no reason, jewelry for every occasion, planned romantic dinners and great weekends. Why oh why cant ours do that, was the lament, only to find out later that he had a girlfriend on the side that he was treating the same. I know that there are exceptions to every rule, but I still believe that romance is where you find it.
Ladies, save yourself some frustration. if you want to have a romantic dinner--plan it and tell him the date. If you want flowers--ask for them. just dont expect your husband to psychically know what you want. The dinner will taste as good and the flowers will smell as sweet no matter who's idea it was. the difference is that your husband will feel appreciated for the other small things he has done and may even once in a while come up with the idea on his own.
Romance is truly where you find it; some of us just have to look a little harder for it!
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