For almost 3 months, until now, I have not been myself. sore all over, every fibre hurting, tired, grumpy and unhappy; essentially, unbearable to be around, even more than usual!
after trying all health and natural remedies that I could, I sought out medical treatment. Within 5 minutes, my MD diagnosed me with fibromylagia--an over diagnosed, much maligned and misunderstood disorder. Since I was content that I wasn't severely depressed or worse having a mental breakdown, or turning into my mother. I was elated to accept any and all diagnosis' and treatments. after all, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. My family's reaction was as expected: Max was relieved that it wasn't his fault and there was a treatment (although, per usual, his anti-depressant scepticism kicked in) and Jarrett and Connor had identical responses, "there is no such thing as Fibromylagia; it is a made up disease." I was not surprise by their statements, as I had said as much verbalised the very thoughts years before!
So to the sceptics, I refute: live and learn and don't knock it unless you have been there. If it is a "fake" disorder, then whatever was eating my body and soul up from the inside out, is healed by the same treatments. Within days, I was feeling better and now 5 weeks later, I am back to my normal, which as anyone who truly knows me is a pale imitation of anyone else's "normal"! But I am virtually pain free or as out of shape 53year old woman with osteoarthritis and various other ailments can be.
many people claim to have a high pain tolerance; indeed, it is a source of frequent, ironic amusement in my workplace when a woman who has never had a menstrual cramp thinks she can handle natural labour because she has a "high pain tolerance" only to cave at 2cm dilation because she cannot believe how much it hurts.
But pain has been a large part of my life for most of my time on this earth: both emotional and physical. Several joint dislocations, fractures, ligament tears, major surgeries, deaths and divorces did not hold me back or rob me of my will to do the things I truly love; this did. This insidious, creeping physical and emotional pain stole all my desire for anything i derived pleasure from: music, camping, writing, even time with family and friends all fell by the wayside as I struggled to find a way to dissolve the constant driving ache that had become my body. (although Candy Crush saga and I have become best buds!)
But now, I am grateful rather than sore. I am grateful that I did not still have any narcotic prescriptions at hand because I am certain that I would be an addict by now. I am grateful that my physician has vast experience in diagnosing and treating chronic pain disorders, so instead of immediately defaulting to a mood changing, mind numbing opiate, he prescribed the proper chemical balance that my body was lacking and apparently craving for. I am grateful for my delightful sons who always keep me real--even if they think its imaginary illness--are willing to support any journey I choose to partake in. I am grateful for my long suffering and ever forbearing best friend and husband, who even when I am at my very worst, tells me "You are doing great; way better than any one else in your situation." and says it with such conviction that I actually believe him. But most of all, I am grateful to finally feel myself again; and though many have probably never even noticed she was gone these last few months, watch out world because the bitch is back! ;)
http://www.arthritis.ca/page.aspx?pid=928
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