For some reason, people often ask my advice. I would like to think that it is because I exude an aura of sensibility and intelligence; but, I have a feeling that it might be because I am always shooting my mouth off. nevertheless, it is others who come to me for the opinion, which I am usually happy to give. whether it be, advice, critiques or anything along that line, I am not known for being shy about sharing. however, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will set me into a red flag rage as much as the phrase "yeah but" followed by all the reasons that I may or may not be wrong about what I just shared.
Why in the world, would 2 words set a person off so much. well, for starters, it doesn't take much to set me off, as many of my family and friends will tell you. but mostly, it is because I did not seek out the person to give them my advice; they sought out me. ostensibly, because they thought that I might have some expertise in the area that they needed advice in. indeed, I even could be an expert in some. still, the yeah buts are always on the tip of peoples tongues.
my question is this: "Why do people ask advice then argue with it. If you are asking for an expert opinion, realise that you asked the expert. They are the expert not you. Just make sure that you ask the right expert. Don’t shop around until you get the answer that you want. It is insulting and annoying." yet that is exactly what they are doing.
Connor has also frequently run into this dilemma and shared the experiences with me. sometimes it is to do with managing his disability; sometime just with life in general. it seems that everyone thinks that they know better.
I believe that part of this phenomenon is because, as a society, we have become lazy. we do not want to know that to achieve the results that we want, we may have to work harder than we ever have before. we do not want to know that in order to achieve a goal that is worthwhile, we may have to sacrifice other things including our time, or our luxuries. we want to believe the drivel that is spoon fed to us on television: that you can have anything that you want, instantly.
wake up call here people: you cannot, despite Bill Gates vision of our universe, there are still things that take time and effort.
I first realised this dilemma when my kids started getting older and people would ask for parenting advice. I am known for the ideology that "Nintendo makes your brain melt" and other oddities, yet others would keep looking for the easy fix. I recall one conversation, where myself and another mother, who's children were about 9 years younger than mine, kept looking for that easy way; the way to be friends with your kids and still have them respect you. no matter what I said, I was met with Yeah but. I simply gave up and said we could revisit it when our children were adults to see which ones had succeeded the most and were still loving towards their parents. (she has yet to take me up on it!)
For the most part I am quite forgiving of the yeah buts; i get it: you want to explore all the options. but after answering 2 or 3 on the same question, it wears a person down. So I propose a compromise. if you are asking someones opinion, first recognise that you asked that person for a reason; you thought that they would know the answer. second, you get one "yeah but" if the so called expert can still give you hard evidence that the answer they have given is rooted in fact and reality, accept it. after all, if it was easy, you would not have had to ask around. so for now, I am putting a moratorium on "yeah but" one per customer!
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