Jarrett was in music lessons before he was 3 years old. I remember coming home from lessons one Saturday morning when my next door neighbour sadly said, that she wished that they could put her son in music, but they just didn't have the money! At the time, they were putting up new "carriage lights" on the garage, purely for show, since our houses came with lights on the garages. I looked at those lights, knowing that they were over $50 each and realised that, I had paid about the same amount for Jarrett's music lessons that month. Not enough money for music? Lady, Please! you should always have enough money for music! that's like saying you don't have enough money for food. In the long run, I was proven right: the carriage lights have long since been replaced more than once and Jarrett plays bass, guitar, mandolin, and banjo. Knowing Jarrett,, there are even more instruments that I don't even know about.
When Connor was finally diagnosed at 7mths and set up with the infant development program, the therapists always has the same question: "What are your goals for Connor?" being my usual cheeky self, my answer was also always the same, :I want him to play a sport; I don't care which one. I want him to play a musical instrument, I was thinking maybe trombone because I could move the slide for him, (for the record, Connor hates the trombone--traitor!) and I want him married and out of my house by the time he is 25. I gave him 2 more years than Jarrett because I figured it might take him longer!"
One particularly, forward thinking, Occupational Therapist, Michelle, was tickled pink by this response. Why? Most parents, she told me, answer thinks like "I want him to walk." My sense of hubris at the time allowed me to feel superior. Of course,, he wouldn't walk! but, I believed it would not be that hard to find a musical instrument of some sort for him to learn. After all, music was the most important thing in life! At least, to me it was. Thus, began a lifelong quest. But, by way of background, there was more behind my convictions than simply wanting Connor to fit into the Davis model of playing a musical instrument.
I had research to back me up!
– “Music education produces myriad benefits, strengthening
kids’ abilities in reading, math, and verbal intelligence,” says PSMag.com
(formerly MillerMcCune.com). “New British research suggests it may also teach
something less tangible, but arguably just as important: The ability to
empathise. In a year-long program focused on group music-making, eight- to
11-year-old children became markedly more compassionate, according to a
just-published study from the University of Cambridge. The finding suggests
kids who make music together aren’t just having fun: they’re absorbing a key
component of emotional intelligence.”--
at the best of times, physical and occupational therapy can be boring, especially for a gifted child like Connor. it is repetitive,, with little immediate gratification and sometimes it is even painful. To convince a 3 year old, even one as intelligent as Connor, that these therapies are necessary, takes one of the best sales pitches you can come up with, otherwise, the child will stubbornly dig their emotional heels in and never comply. Because of the physical weakness of Connors chest muscles, therapists were always suggesting that we get him to "blow bubbles." Well, let me tell you, that you can only amuse a child such as Connor with bubbles for so long! I was forced to find a different solution: enter music.
As is the habit of the universe, when I was looking for a music instructor interested in working with disabled children, I was introduced to a physiotherapist who was interested in using the Kindermusic program as part of physical therapy.
It was a mutual beneficial arrangement. Connor was introduced to music with singing and rhythm instruments and she used aspects of both her therapy and musical training to work with Connor to improve his breath support and oblique chest muscles.
Although, the sessions had to end eventually, due to time constraints, it was a good start. Still, it was not what I had envisioned when I said I wanted him to play an instrument. The quest continued. I am sure that Connor was convinced that I had lost my sanity, as I paraded different instrument choices in front of him: Recorder, Tambourine, Dulcimer, Autoharp, and Keyboard, and although he seemed to get quite a bit of enjoyment from them, I know that he felt isolated in a family of musicians, not being able to join in.
I was hopeful that perhaps he could use his voice as his instrument. But as one of God's great practical jokes, the physical implications of Cerebral Palsy even reach to the vocal cords. (the fact that many in my family cannot sing a note did not help). In his teenage years, his singing voice could peel paint off the walls.
However, as always, Connor defied the odds and the barriers. Refusing to accept that this was an area that he could not excel in, he had friends, and sometimes even enemies, teach him vocalisation and enunciation. As part of Humanities degree, he studied the history of music as well as, aspects of listening and the nuances of musical composition. He was well known for stealing any music he could get his hands on and his iTunes library is so vast, he needed an external hard drive for it. His knowledge and appreciation for music rivals anyone that I know; and although a small part of me still laments that he cannot join in on one of our jam sessions, I know that there is no one else I would rather go to the symphony with!
So, if I was to meet up with the infant development team now, 20 years later, I would tell them that Connor not only met but exceeded all my goals for him. He can swim and has his green belt in JuJitsu. he played electric wheelchair hockey. he has more knowledge than most about music and a pitch perfect ear. he even talks about getting a musical degree one day.
and although he has not gotten married yet, there is still time! After all, he is only 22! his brother hasn't even moved out yet!
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