http://www.chatelaine.com/living/phone-addiction-put-down-your-phone-challenge/
We all have seen it or been annoyed by it: the texter. The person that no matter what has to be in touch with every moment in time. I have yet to hear anyone, even the most ardent texter say anything positive about it. yet, we continue to need an instantaneous society. One in which, every second of every day must be taken up with communication. the problem seems to be that more and more we move away from the communication that actually connects us to each other towards one that hobbles us to machinery. IT is everywhere: malls, theaters, offices and workplaces. even my workplace and I work in a critical care area of a medium size hospital. I find it difficult to believe that ANYTHING my co-workers are texting about or checking on could be more important than the care we are paid to provide. However, I have well established that I am a techno-dino, so perhaps my opinion is not as current as it should be. but when did it become as necessary as breathing to be instantly and immediately informed of absolutely everything that is happening with everyone. For those who say that they use it for work purposes, consider this: every minute that you spend texting about employment matters when you are not in the work place or during regular work hours, you are working for FREE! Can you imagine if your employer said to you , "I want you to work 6 days a week, but I am only going to pay you for 5 days at straight time." the labor rights people would be in an uproar. but I am willing to bet if you added up every minute of time you texted and answered other texts, it would not take long to add up to several hours over the course of a month. I say it again:" do you like working for free???
Don't get me wrong, I text; occasionally, if I remember to charge my phone and mostly to remind my husband to pick up something on his way home. If it was limited to that amount i would find it very livable. However, more and more the act of texting, rather than connecting us to each others, seperates us from each other. How? because it is doubtful that you are texting the person that you are with at the time you are sending the text. Furthermore, as people walk through our society cellphone in hand typing away, they are missing the very real beauty around us.
One day, when I was leaving a physio appointment, I sat to put on my boots. a young boy around 3 years old was sitting beside me, his mother beside him. She was texting; he was holding a book.
it was very obvious that this little man wanted someone to read to him. as I sat down, he boldly laid the book in my lap. Since my guys are way past the joyful age of actually wanting me to sit and read to them, I was flattered and took up the gauntlet. His mother briefly looked up from her phone and smiled and then went back to texting. My heart went out to both of them.. Her because the time that she has just missed will never come again and him because he was growing in a world where typing was becoming a more important form of entertainment and diversion than reading a story to a child you have given birth to.
Since then, I have declared war on texting in my presence. I usually say something like "please stop texting; nothing that you could be saying there is more important than the moment you are in right now." and for the most part the offender agrees with me. they are usually checking emails or having a quick chat with an acquaintance.
Recently, there was a story about a women who was supposedly out for a lovely Sunday walk with her husband and son. Apparently the day was so nice that it needed to be interrupted by her sending a text to her work. Unfortunately for her, they were walking on a pier and she ran out of dock, texting her way into a channel of Lake Michigan. Luckily, her husband and other passers by were able to rescue her. I am not sure if they rescued her device though; nor would I be surprised to hear that she had given up texting forever. since first hearing this story, Max and I have been keeping track of the "unusual texting" we have seen. So far we have seen people texting on bikes, skateboards (driving of course; Jarrett even got a traffic ticket for it!) and my personal favorite: a teenage girl with her feet in a hot tub at a water park in a hotel texting while her parents were in the tub.
Come on people! what could be that imp?? put down the technology and take an interest in the people you are with. Nothing, and I mean nothing could be as important as the people you are with and the moment you are in. after all, you may not get another moment and with the way things are going, Texting is becoming fatal!
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-buzz/woman-falls-off-pier-while-texting-walking-michigan-193230713.html
Saturday, 30 June 2012
Friday, 29 June 2012
Its not the climb up the mountain, it is the coming down
on the Sunday morning after Connor's graduation, when we woke up, Max asked me "so, how sore are you? You were really working hard yesterday." I replied that "it wasn't the work yesterday that made me hurt; it was the 22 years before." at which, I promptly burst into tears. i hadn't cried that much in the days previously or even as he got his diploma and medal. Connor had treated the graduation with such passivity, almost disdain, I knew that this was just the first, the first degree of many; the smallest of many more mountains that he planned to climb. As much I thought I had finished, that the task might be complete, he knew that it had just begun. there would always be a grander, taller, harder, mountain to climb. I aslo realized that, much to my surprise, it wasn't the climb, the going up that hurt, it was the decent, the coming down that really hurt.
For all those years, the "naysayers" told us what he wouldn't do as a person and what we couldn't be as a family. Sometimes, what were the worse moments when having Connor's challenges in our lives, were dismissed as being "no big deal." the times when the magnitude of his disability and just what it took to get him transported to an event, dinner or party was afforded (by some) as much after thought as a person would take in choosing what kind of donut they were going to order at Tim Hortons that morning.
But, we did it!. One day at a time, one foot after the other, one wheel after the other, hand in hand we climbed the mountains. I would be lying if I said that there had not been many tears along the way or that there were not a thousand times I thought about giving up, turning around and never going another step. Luckily, we all dragged each other along:Connor, Max, Jarrett and myself, we climbed our Mount Everest.
Recently, there was a news story about a Canadian woman who had died fulfilling her life long dream of reaching the summit of Mount Everest.As it turned out, she did not die climbing the mountain; she reached the summit and unfurled the Canadian flag. She perished on the decent from exhaustion and "altitude sickness:She had spent too much time at the top.
Crying in the hotel room, I knew that Connor had the right idea: you should just find a higher mountain to climb, a bigger one, a harder one. It is not the going up that hurts; its the decent and the sudden stops that really injure you!
For all those years, the "naysayers" told us what he wouldn't do as a person and what we couldn't be as a family. Sometimes, what were the worse moments when having Connor's challenges in our lives, were dismissed as being "no big deal." the times when the magnitude of his disability and just what it took to get him transported to an event, dinner or party was afforded (by some) as much after thought as a person would take in choosing what kind of donut they were going to order at Tim Hortons that morning.
But, we did it!. One day at a time, one foot after the other, one wheel after the other, hand in hand we climbed the mountains. I would be lying if I said that there had not been many tears along the way or that there were not a thousand times I thought about giving up, turning around and never going another step. Luckily, we all dragged each other along:Connor, Max, Jarrett and myself, we climbed our Mount Everest.
Crying in the hotel room, I knew that Connor had the right idea: you should just find a higher mountain to climb, a bigger one, a harder one. It is not the going up that hurts; its the decent and the sudden stops that really injure you!
Thursday, 31 May 2012
being invisible
It is hard to believe that someone that is encase in a large mechanical device, can be invisible but Connor has been invisible on more than one occasion. when he was young, it used to astound me how many individuals would walk right into his chair--in malls, parks and other places--as if he did not exist, as if he were invisible.
when Connor was in high school he participated in the drama club. in fact, he won the Drama award for the highest overall mark. that not withstanding, he was never invited to a class or drama party, never asked to go on school trips and was generally excluded from most events. For all intense purposes he was invisible. Considering the size of his wheelchair and himself, to make him invisible took quite a bit of ingeniuity; but he remained invisible nonetheless. If you mentioned to his fellow students that the parties and venues that they chose were inacessible and that they were deliberately excluding Connor, they would have been mortified. so he remained invisible.
Our families, with no malice intended, all have wheelchair inaccessible homes, even though 2 were purchased after Connor's birth and diagnosis. Every year there is a great discussion in our home about Christmas and the inevitable logistic nightmare of having Connor attend the family Christmas eve dinner; no matter where it is there are problems. The biggest one being that he is invisible. No one talks to him. he and I sit together, usually at a table catching up. One year, a former girlfriend of Jarrett's was there and observed this phenomenon; being a recent graduate of psychology, she was quite fascinated! She noted that there were people all around him, yet, not one had made any effort to engage him in conversation, despite the fact that we were in a house that was less than 1000 square feet. Connor smiled, and said "that's nothing, watch this!" and at that point he yelled out "ROUGH PIRATE SEX" there was no reaction: no head turned, no conversation stopped, no shhhhhhh from the various mothers in the room; he was, for all intense purposes, invisible.
Fast forward to University. Connor is about to graduate from the Humanities and after 4 years he is still invisible. He has won the Senate medal of Honor for the highest achievement in the Humanities program, yet, the post graduate party has been planned at a venue that is inaccessible. This is not the first time in his university career that this has happened but it is certainly the most important.
What most people do not understand is that there is more to inaccessibility than a set of stairs. If the place is not set up with wheelchairs in mind, then there will not be bathroom will not be accessible, nor will it be easy enough for an electric wheelchair to manoeuvre around. Yes, he could transfer to a manual wheelchair, but this leaves him helpless and more invisible. he is then totally dependant on those around.
I have often been accused of being too dramatic, perhaps even melodramatic; however, I highly doubt that any event that involved people of different racial background would be held at a Klu Klux Klan rally. Nor would a PRIDE event occur at a Heritage party meeting. Yet, it does not enter into very many people's consciousness, that a person may not be physically able to enter a premises. the problem is not just that the building has stairs; it is also a perception of the disabled community in general. I describe it as there being two kinds of wheelchair accessible: regular wheelchair and Connor wheelchair. Most of the public think of the media model of the disabled when seeing to accessibility--the Rick Hansen chair or Artie on Glee (who ironically, is played by an able bodied actor). these people are paraplegic and a small part of the disabled community: they still have full use of their arms. Connor and many like him, do not. they therefore, have become the invisible part of our society.
Once, when giving a keynote address to a group of teachers, Connor was asked, which did he think more marginalised him: being gay or being disabled. he answered that he thought that it was being gay, since it was socially unacceptable to be openly hostile toward people in wheelchairs but there are still factions of our society, in which, derogatory remarks toward differently gendered persons are acceptable. Looking on it now, I think he may be in error, because being invisible seems so much worse.
when Connor was in high school he participated in the drama club. in fact, he won the Drama award for the highest overall mark. that not withstanding, he was never invited to a class or drama party, never asked to go on school trips and was generally excluded from most events. For all intense purposes he was invisible. Considering the size of his wheelchair and himself, to make him invisible took quite a bit of ingeniuity; but he remained invisible nonetheless. If you mentioned to his fellow students that the parties and venues that they chose were inacessible and that they were deliberately excluding Connor, they would have been mortified. so he remained invisible.
Our families, with no malice intended, all have wheelchair inaccessible homes, even though 2 were purchased after Connor's birth and diagnosis. Every year there is a great discussion in our home about Christmas and the inevitable logistic nightmare of having Connor attend the family Christmas eve dinner; no matter where it is there are problems. The biggest one being that he is invisible. No one talks to him. he and I sit together, usually at a table catching up. One year, a former girlfriend of Jarrett's was there and observed this phenomenon; being a recent graduate of psychology, she was quite fascinated! She noted that there were people all around him, yet, not one had made any effort to engage him in conversation, despite the fact that we were in a house that was less than 1000 square feet. Connor smiled, and said "that's nothing, watch this!" and at that point he yelled out "ROUGH PIRATE SEX" there was no reaction: no head turned, no conversation stopped, no shhhhhhh from the various mothers in the room; he was, for all intense purposes, invisible.
Fast forward to University. Connor is about to graduate from the Humanities and after 4 years he is still invisible. He has won the Senate medal of Honor for the highest achievement in the Humanities program, yet, the post graduate party has been planned at a venue that is inaccessible. This is not the first time in his university career that this has happened but it is certainly the most important.
What most people do not understand is that there is more to inaccessibility than a set of stairs. If the place is not set up with wheelchairs in mind, then there will not be bathroom will not be accessible, nor will it be easy enough for an electric wheelchair to manoeuvre around. Yes, he could transfer to a manual wheelchair, but this leaves him helpless and more invisible. he is then totally dependant on those around.
I have often been accused of being too dramatic, perhaps even melodramatic; however, I highly doubt that any event that involved people of different racial background would be held at a Klu Klux Klan rally. Nor would a PRIDE event occur at a Heritage party meeting. Yet, it does not enter into very many people's consciousness, that a person may not be physically able to enter a premises. the problem is not just that the building has stairs; it is also a perception of the disabled community in general. I describe it as there being two kinds of wheelchair accessible: regular wheelchair and Connor wheelchair. Most of the public think of the media model of the disabled when seeing to accessibility--the Rick Hansen chair or Artie on Glee (who ironically, is played by an able bodied actor). these people are paraplegic and a small part of the disabled community: they still have full use of their arms. Connor and many like him, do not. they therefore, have become the invisible part of our society.
Once, when giving a keynote address to a group of teachers, Connor was asked, which did he think more marginalised him: being gay or being disabled. he answered that he thought that it was being gay, since it was socially unacceptable to be openly hostile toward people in wheelchairs but there are still factions of our society, in which, derogatory remarks toward differently gendered persons are acceptable. Looking on it now, I think he may be in error, because being invisible seems so much worse.
Sunday, 27 May 2012
“Never underestimate the power of a small group of committed people to change the world. In fact, it is the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead
I have frequently used the above quote to keep myself and others going when times seem so insurmountable that giving up would be easier. the day that we were given Connor's diagnosis was one of those days. we had spent the morning and afternoon been poked, prodded and assessed by every speciality that the Bloorview centre could throw at us and then were place in a physicians office to wait while the "team" put together their results to let us know what the final outcome was. Connor was 15months old at the time. We had already been told at 7months of age that he had cerebral palsy, but that it was probably "diplegic" and only affected one part of his body.
as part of the assessment it was necessary for the whole family to be present. so there we were, Max (feeling very uncomfortable with the medical model) Jarrett (to say at this point that he was bored and fracticious would be an understatement) Connor, (tired, hungry and worn out from the testing) and myself utterly and absolutely exhausted in every way!
After a time, the Dr. came in. I cannot remember her full name, probably because she always had us call her Shelley, but I knew by the look on her face that we were not going to like what she had to say; I had worn that same look many times.
She started with all the medical lingo of the things that the physiotherapist, speech and occupational therapist had discovered. To be honest, I have no idea what she said; Jarrett had chosen that moment to show me something or other and Max was shifting uncomfortable. But, if I could take a picture with my mind I could tell you everything about that moment: the colour of the walls, the examination table that was there, the cars Jarrett was playing with, and how Max was holding Connor and bouncing him, sneaking hugs at the same time. Then, the Dr. said something that did catch my attention, "some children with some kinds of cerebral palsy can walk; Connor is not one of those children. it is unlikely he will ever be able to sit, walk, run, or even do much for himself since his disability was Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy." this diagnosis essentially meant that he had the most debilitating form of the disorder at all. At that moment, Max burst into the most heart wrenching sobs I have ever heard, and at seeing his father cry, Jarrett thought that he should join in. I must say I was confused at best at what to do next. I remember the Dr. asking if she could get us anything. in my usual sarcastic way, I quipped:"Kleenex"
She asked if she could answer any questions with the caveat that she knew this was a lot to take in. It might seem strange but I asked if his disability would change how he looked. To say that Connor was a beautiful child was an understatement. His skin was porcelain and his eyes emerald green. He had a smile that dimpled and sparkled his eyes. the thought of a disability taking that away from him as well as everything else was too much to bear--so I asked. her answer was that he was a beautiful child and that would not change--but was I not concerned with the other problems we were facing, was there nothing she could answer about all that?
I straightened my spine, handed Max another tissue, held Connor that much closer and looked at her and said, " You don't know me and you don't know my son. Do not tell me what he cannot do or will not do; Let us show you what he can.
Along the journey we met many therapists and helpers. Connor did learn to sit on his own and did so until his legs were too spastic to cross. With the help of an electric wheelchair, he not only walked he ran! Many times in the opposite direction of where I wanted him to go. He played hockey, took Jujitsu, music lessons, acted in plays and ran for student council, among other things.
In school he was told not to take French or other languages because of his learning disability. he was also told in grade 9 that he would not be able to keep his A average up; he succeeded in maintaining his A average up to the end of his Bachelors degree!
Next week he graduates from Carleton University with a Honours Degree in the combined major of Humanities and Religion with a minor in English. He is graduating with highest Honors and is the winner of the Senate medal for Humanities--granted to the student with the highest level of achievement in their program. He not only can walk and run but now he flies!
So embrace the idea that you can change the world or anything else that you seek out to try. Never discount that ability. as Margret Mead said: “
as part of the assessment it was necessary for the whole family to be present. so there we were, Max (feeling very uncomfortable with the medical model) Jarrett (to say at this point that he was bored and fracticious would be an understatement) Connor, (tired, hungry and worn out from the testing) and myself utterly and absolutely exhausted in every way!
After a time, the Dr. came in. I cannot remember her full name, probably because she always had us call her Shelley, but I knew by the look on her face that we were not going to like what she had to say; I had worn that same look many times.
She started with all the medical lingo of the things that the physiotherapist, speech and occupational therapist had discovered. To be honest, I have no idea what she said; Jarrett had chosen that moment to show me something or other and Max was shifting uncomfortable. But, if I could take a picture with my mind I could tell you everything about that moment: the colour of the walls, the examination table that was there, the cars Jarrett was playing with, and how Max was holding Connor and bouncing him, sneaking hugs at the same time. Then, the Dr. said something that did catch my attention, "some children with some kinds of cerebral palsy can walk; Connor is not one of those children. it is unlikely he will ever be able to sit, walk, run, or even do much for himself since his disability was Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy." this diagnosis essentially meant that he had the most debilitating form of the disorder at all. At that moment, Max burst into the most heart wrenching sobs I have ever heard, and at seeing his father cry, Jarrett thought that he should join in. I must say I was confused at best at what to do next. I remember the Dr. asking if she could get us anything. in my usual sarcastic way, I quipped:"Kleenex"
She asked if she could answer any questions with the caveat that she knew this was a lot to take in. It might seem strange but I asked if his disability would change how he looked. To say that Connor was a beautiful child was an understatement. His skin was porcelain and his eyes emerald green. He had a smile that dimpled and sparkled his eyes. the thought of a disability taking that away from him as well as everything else was too much to bear--so I asked. her answer was that he was a beautiful child and that would not change--but was I not concerned with the other problems we were facing, was there nothing she could answer about all that?
I straightened my spine, handed Max another tissue, held Connor that much closer and looked at her and said, " You don't know me and you don't know my son. Do not tell me what he cannot do or will not do; Let us show you what he can.
Along the journey we met many therapists and helpers. Connor did learn to sit on his own and did so until his legs were too spastic to cross. With the help of an electric wheelchair, he not only walked he ran! Many times in the opposite direction of where I wanted him to go. He played hockey, took Jujitsu, music lessons, acted in plays and ran for student council, among other things.
In school he was told not to take French or other languages because of his learning disability. he was also told in grade 9 that he would not be able to keep his A average up; he succeeded in maintaining his A average up to the end of his Bachelors degree!
Next week he graduates from Carleton University with a Honours Degree in the combined major of Humanities and Religion with a minor in English. He is graduating with highest Honors and is the winner of the Senate medal for Humanities--granted to the student with the highest level of achievement in their program. He not only can walk and run but now he flies!
So embrace the idea that you can change the world or anything else that you seek out to try. Never discount that ability. as Margret Mead said: “
Never underestimate the power of a small group of committed people to change the world. In fact, it is the only thing that ever has.”
Margaret Mead
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
I am proud to be Canadian: this is one reason why!
there are many reasons to be proud to be Canadian. One is that we say what we mean. we do not make promises that we cannot keep and we try not to be hypocritical. (for the most part) I think that the USA cannot make the same claim.
The United States were founded on a principle of division between church and state. "Separation of church and state" (sometimes "wall of separation between church and state") Thomas Jefferson used this as the inspiration to the first amendment of the constitution. It was such an important concept that they built the country on it; a country that they went to war to obtain.
Canada simply and politely, asked Queen Victoria if we could please leave the Commonwealth. indeed, we didn't even feel the need for a formal constitution until it was brought into effect in 1982--115 years after the passing of the British North America act, which created our country. we just sort of figured that everybody knew these things and played by those rules. The US has spent countless hours updating, changing and amending their rules to make sure it "kept up with the times." Yet time and time again, although Canadians are seen as the boring, uptight, citizens, the USA proves that their is truly no cure for stupid.
But, I digress.
Last week, North Dakota passed a law banning the making of a law legalising gay marriage. Division of church and state; forward thinking??? I think not! Their own President, Obama and Vice-president Biden, felt the need to comment on this stupidity!
Canada on the other hand, has it covered. In Fact, we really don't care who gets married. In 2005, 7 years ago, we passed a NATIONWIDE bill legalising "gender neutral" marriage (we didn't even feel the need to put in "same-sex"). In other words we don't really define who gets married, we will just protect your rights if you are interested in becoming married--no matter who you are or who you want to marry.
The government, however, did not tell the churches what to do. this is simply civil marriage and the legalities involved with it. Some people may have thought that we were suddenly becoming progressive, but I think that we couldn't stand all those tax dollars going to waste. Marriage is big business. So is divorce!
(Personally, i think the lobbyist's are doing it wrong. they should engage all of the wedding planners, caterers and other wedding industry people to help out and have them recognise the economic impact of all these weddings not taking place; a nationwide bill would pass in the US senate so fast it would make your head spin!)
There is no reason, other than misinformed and misguided religious beliefs that could have led to North Dakota's overkill in their anti-samesex marriage law making--they are combining church and state. they are basing their lawmaking on erroneous and archaic ideology that is based on mistranslation and misinterpretation of an ancient biblical text.
certainly, if you have a secular government, based on a division of church and state, then it follows that the government has no right looking windows into peoples bedrooms (one of the few things that Trudeau said that I agree with!) yet time and time again, various states in the USA pass laws, banning same sex marriage based on the biblical-judeo-christian doctrine that they have misinterpreted.
So yes, I am proud to be Canadian. I am sure we are just as boring and stolid as the world sees us, and may be that was our impetuous for creating a law for same sex marriage: we didn't want anyone living in sin! but, still this week, I am proud to say that I AM CANADIAN!
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/story/2012-05-09/obama-gay-marriage-election/54866752/1
The United States were founded on a principle of division between church and state. "Separation of church and state" (sometimes "wall of separation between church and state") Thomas Jefferson used this as the inspiration to the first amendment of the constitution. It was such an important concept that they built the country on it; a country that they went to war to obtain.
Canada simply and politely, asked Queen Victoria if we could please leave the Commonwealth. indeed, we didn't even feel the need for a formal constitution until it was brought into effect in 1982--115 years after the passing of the British North America act, which created our country. we just sort of figured that everybody knew these things and played by those rules. The US has spent countless hours updating, changing and amending their rules to make sure it "kept up with the times." Yet time and time again, although Canadians are seen as the boring, uptight, citizens, the USA proves that their is truly no cure for stupid.
But, I digress.
Last week, North Dakota passed a law banning the making of a law legalising gay marriage. Division of church and state; forward thinking??? I think not! Their own President, Obama and Vice-president Biden, felt the need to comment on this stupidity!
Canada on the other hand, has it covered. In Fact, we really don't care who gets married. In 2005, 7 years ago, we passed a NATIONWIDE bill legalising "gender neutral" marriage (we didn't even feel the need to put in "same-sex"). In other words we don't really define who gets married, we will just protect your rights if you are interested in becoming married--no matter who you are or who you want to marry.
The government, however, did not tell the churches what to do. this is simply civil marriage and the legalities involved with it. Some people may have thought that we were suddenly becoming progressive, but I think that we couldn't stand all those tax dollars going to waste. Marriage is big business. So is divorce!
(Personally, i think the lobbyist's are doing it wrong. they should engage all of the wedding planners, caterers and other wedding industry people to help out and have them recognise the economic impact of all these weddings not taking place; a nationwide bill would pass in the US senate so fast it would make your head spin!)
There is no reason, other than misinformed and misguided religious beliefs that could have led to North Dakota's overkill in their anti-samesex marriage law making--they are combining church and state. they are basing their lawmaking on erroneous and archaic ideology that is based on mistranslation and misinterpretation of an ancient biblical text.
certainly, if you have a secular government, based on a division of church and state, then it follows that the government has no right looking windows into peoples bedrooms (one of the few things that Trudeau said that I agree with!) yet time and time again, various states in the USA pass laws, banning same sex marriage based on the biblical-judeo-christian doctrine that they have misinterpreted.
So yes, I am proud to be Canadian. I am sure we are just as boring and stolid as the world sees us, and may be that was our impetuous for creating a law for same sex marriage: we didn't want anyone living in sin! but, still this week, I am proud to say that I AM CANADIAN!
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/story/2012-05-09/obama-gay-marriage-election/54866752/1
Monday, 30 April 2012
Dandelions are also unappreciated
I went to visit my fathers grave last week. surrounding the stone marker on the ground were many dandelions in bloom. they created a frame around his gravestone.. Originally, I started to pull them up, simply out of habit; then I stopped and looked at them, and realized how beautiful and colorful they looked in the bleak cemetery. I had read once how dandelions were the unappreciated flower of our time, and now I think I believe it. they usher in spring. they are often the first burst of colour in an endless sea of brown and green that our manicured lawns have created. they could give university seminars in the meaning of tenacity and diversity. when they became our enemy, I am not sure, but any mother will tell you she has a memory of her young toddler presenting her with the bright, cheerful blossoms, that the child finds so beautiful and the gardener considers a menace.any gardener will tell you the battles and wars they have waged against the sturdy weed.
their leaves can be made into a nutritious salad and their roots brewed into a medicinal wine. furthermore, show me another plant that you can gently blow into the wind and make wishes come true, watching their lacy feathers dance across the summer sky. Perhaps they are a "weed", but to me, they are one more thing that is unappreciated in our world and looking at how the cheerful yellow flowers surrounded my fathers tomb as if planted intentionally, I could not help but stop myself and consider the unappreciated hero of the plant world: the dandelion and feel a kindredship toward it.
I found several Dandelion recipes on the web at a magazine i bought
www.backhomemagazine.com
their leaves can be made into a nutritious salad and their roots brewed into a medicinal wine. furthermore, show me another plant that you can gently blow into the wind and make wishes come true, watching their lacy feathers dance across the summer sky. Perhaps they are a "weed", but to me, they are one more thing that is unappreciated in our world and looking at how the cheerful yellow flowers surrounded my fathers tomb as if planted intentionally, I could not help but stop myself and consider the unappreciated hero of the plant world: the dandelion and feel a kindredship toward it.
I found several Dandelion recipes on the web at a magazine i bought
www.backhomemagazine.com
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Romance is where you find it...sometimes you have to look
My husband left me socks on the couch yesterday before he went to work. Now, very few women, perhaps even men, would find this gesture romantic. but, to me, it was wonderfully romantic. why, for one thing, the socks are in the basement with the laundry and he knows that climbing the stairs is really painful for me; he saved me the steps downstairs. He put them on the couch hanging and picked out the valentine socks (red with pink hearts). here is where I see other women, time and time again, miss the romance boat. I was wearing black that day and the socks definitely did not match; not to mention the fact that it was April and long past Valentines day. However, I knew (having been together over 30 years) that Max meant that gesture with the most of romantic minds. Yet, I also know that had it been another woman (not all women mind you, but some) she would have looked at the socks, ranted about the colour, the fact that he left them on the couch and that it was not valentines day. this would have led to the man feeling like an idiot and unappreciated. it is unlikely he would have done something similar again or have been agreeable to doing something traditionally romantic. why should he? You didnt like the first gesture!
I knew I was meeting him later, so I wore the socks proudly and thanked him when I saw him for thinking of me. Romance is where you look for it.
I knew when I first started dating my husband that I would have to be forgiving in the traditional interpretations of romance. to say that he was unschooled is an understatement. He did not know about buying jewelry, flowers or writing poetry. His compliments are off-handed at best and he has become famous for some of the "foot in the mouth" things he has come up with in our long marriage. Many would have given up long before now.
I have another theory: I like that he is unschooled and even somewhat offensive at times, and here is why: I know that he is not out being flowery, flirty, and seductive with other women. while I realize that I am highly cynical, I still believe that if a man is suave and seductive to you then he probably knows how to be suave and seductive to everyone else. If he knows how to say the right things to women, he may be out there saying the same things over and over again.
I have often been accused of being insecure in this matter; I beg to differ. I do not believe that I am insecure, just pragmatic. early in our careers as parents of a child with special needs, we met another couple who's sons were the same age as Connor. All of the wives were Jealous of the husband in this relationship: he bought flowers for no reason, jewelry for every occasion, planned romantic dinners and great weekends. Why oh why cant ours do that, was the lament, only to find out later that he had a girlfriend on the side that he was treating the same. I know that there are exceptions to every rule, but I still believe that romance is where you find it.
Ladies, save yourself some frustration. if you want to have a romantic dinner--plan it and tell him the date. If you want flowers--ask for them. just dont expect your husband to psychically know what you want. The dinner will taste as good and the flowers will smell as sweet no matter who's idea it was. the difference is that your husband will feel appreciated for the other small things he has done and may even once in a while come up with the idea on his own.
Romance is truly where you find it; some of us just have to look a little harder for it!
I knew I was meeting him later, so I wore the socks proudly and thanked him when I saw him for thinking of me. Romance is where you look for it.
I knew when I first started dating my husband that I would have to be forgiving in the traditional interpretations of romance. to say that he was unschooled is an understatement. He did not know about buying jewelry, flowers or writing poetry. His compliments are off-handed at best and he has become famous for some of the "foot in the mouth" things he has come up with in our long marriage. Many would have given up long before now.
I have another theory: I like that he is unschooled and even somewhat offensive at times, and here is why: I know that he is not out being flowery, flirty, and seductive with other women. while I realize that I am highly cynical, I still believe that if a man is suave and seductive to you then he probably knows how to be suave and seductive to everyone else. If he knows how to say the right things to women, he may be out there saying the same things over and over again.
I have often been accused of being insecure in this matter; I beg to differ. I do not believe that I am insecure, just pragmatic. early in our careers as parents of a child with special needs, we met another couple who's sons were the same age as Connor. All of the wives were Jealous of the husband in this relationship: he bought flowers for no reason, jewelry for every occasion, planned romantic dinners and great weekends. Why oh why cant ours do that, was the lament, only to find out later that he had a girlfriend on the side that he was treating the same. I know that there are exceptions to every rule, but I still believe that romance is where you find it.
Ladies, save yourself some frustration. if you want to have a romantic dinner--plan it and tell him the date. If you want flowers--ask for them. just dont expect your husband to psychically know what you want. The dinner will taste as good and the flowers will smell as sweet no matter who's idea it was. the difference is that your husband will feel appreciated for the other small things he has done and may even once in a while come up with the idea on his own.
Romance is truly where you find it; some of us just have to look a little harder for it!
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