When he was 4 he became aware that Cerebral Palsy was caused by a brain injury, mostly because we were always open and forthright about his condition. He in turn asked what a brain looked like, so I drew a picture for him. Needless to say, this was not sufficient for him. since this was before Dr. Google had entered our lives, he was not satisfied until I dug out my nursing anatomy text book and showed him an actual photograph of a brain with a full explanation of each part, including the motor cortex where the cause of his disability could be found.
Remembering that he was only four, this level of tenacity should have served as a warning of things to come. this child would not give up despite any and all protestations on my part! (since Max's major philosophy is its "No big deal" he rarely said no to Connor and left that to me!)
Throughout his childhood, the teenage years and university career, he has continued this trend: ignoring obstacles that life seems to throw in his path. In grade 2 he was diagnosed with a severe visual learning disability. the prognosis was that it was doubtful that he would EVER read past a grade 7 level. at that time he was not keeping up with his peers in reading and we had to make a decision to drop his French in order to concentrate more effort on English. The rationale that we were given was that the level of his learning impairment was so great that it was doubtful he would be able to finish the English curriculum let alone the French. He still cannot speak or read French; however, he has achieved an A+ average in Latin, Greek, Hebrew and has a Minor in English. Needless to say he was determined to prove them wrong.
it was not just in academics that Connor thought he should expand our knowledge. everything was under scrutiny and up for review: style, food choices, political affiliations and prejudices all fell under his tenacious determination.
when he realized he was gay and had an extremely homophobic father, he started watching Will and Grace. Since he and Max spent many hours together, the show was watched by both of them. Soon Max's erroneous stereotypes began to fall. while he was still shocked when Connor came out; he did not have only the negative reactions that might have been the case before the television show. to this day Max refers to Will and Grace when looking for positive gay role models (and still remains flabbergasted that Connor planned it all.)
In high school, Connor's appetite for literature was voracious. one book did not suffice, nor would an abridged audio copy of a novel satisfy. Audiobooks, digital downloads and Kindle readers had not become popular, so I spent much of Connor's high school years scanning texts and novels and scouring the Internet for unabridged copies of audiobooks on cd's. One Christmas, when he was desperate to read War and Peace I spent more on the MP3 version of the book than I did on the portable CD player to go with it.
although obtaining digital copies of texts has gotten easier with 100's more choices, Connor's appetite for knowledge has grown larger still. Luckily, the scanners have gotten faster, yet there are still days that I spend hours turning pages of an obscure tome so that he can read it and include it in an overly detailed essay. Some days tenacious is not a big enough word.
Since I now have his old computer with his word to text program and google has a wonderful skydrive option, Connor has discovered that he can now mark quotes and upload an entire book onto the skydrive, in order to have me extract the quotes and organize them for his thesis. also thanks to modern technology, he can dictate his work to me and others over Skype to ease the strain on his vocal chords that dictating into an ever uncooperative and creative voice recognition software program. O joy o bliss, I should be given my honary degree soon.
Recently, Connor moved into his own apartment into community care. For me this was a dream come try and a moment I was never totally sure was ever going to happen in my lifetime. I always assumed for Connor to live on his own, I would have to be with him. It has been a rather difficult transition from living in Rez as a young student, to a grown adult man with his own apartment. His schedule, experienced medical care givers, and suburban lifestyle leave little to challenge his intellect. I think he imagined having dinner parties and entertaining his friends but reality has a tendency to bite. However, he was well situated in a 3bdrm apt almost as big as our house. seeing how he had so much space and was planning on having people over, many of whom were musicians, I decided to take him my electronic keyboard, in the event that one of his friends wanted to play. I had no more set up the keyboard when he wheeled up and started plucking out notes. Since he had never taken any music lessons and had such a severe learning (not to mention physical) disability, I assumed he would not be able to grasp the basic musical concepts. I could not have been more wrong. I had no more stepped back from the keyboard when Connor started firing questions about advanced musical theory. Apparently, one of his friends had tutored him a few months before. Connor had internalised it and waited for an opportunity to apply his new found knowledge--I did mention tenacious and determined. Many of his questions were well beyond the scope of my 30 year old my musical theory knowledge and my music for dummies book was well packed away. but like I have said--determined. He did not give up trying to play. By the end of the weekend he had mastered a few scales and an easy version of Ode to Joy; my more than I myself could have ever done in that time frame. Here he was barely able to use one finger, plucking away longer and more patiently than some trained musicians, in pursuit of a scale. On the grad scheme of musicality, a couple of scales and an easy play version of a song, may not be much; but considering his aptitude, understanding and determination it took to achieve that much, would be comparable to me sitting down and playing a Beethoven piano Concerto.
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