Few people know it but there was another man who's attraction could have rivaled Max. Now anyone who knows me may be shocked by that information, as I am well known for being devoted to my husband; still, it is true. Max knew, and if truth be told, I think that he loved Chris more than I did.
Chris worked with Max for over a decade at the company, Wainbee. He was tall, rugged but not handsome in the traditional sense. Still, he was irresistibly charming and gregarious. Max and Chris had bonded at work; a brotherhood of sorts, the men that did not quite fit the corporate image that Wainbee was trying to achieve.
I met him for the first time at the Wainbee Christmas party the year that Jarrett was born. He and his wife saved Max and I a spot at their table; every party after that was the same: the four of us together at the parties, dancing joking and generally making a nuisance of ourselves.
Chris had been a soldier in the Canadian forces special operations and I suppose that is what gave him a brooding, haunting quality; it frequently reminded me of Max.
I told Max once after a party that Chris was the only man that I had ever considered competition for him. In Max's usual foot in mouth fashion, he piped up without thinking first, "yeah, but Chris could have any woman!", the unspoken line being that "why would he want Max's frumpy wife, when Chris could have anyone! We still laugh about the "wrong" of that comment.
Over the years there were many Wainbee functions: golf tournaments, parties, dances, Christmas celebrations and we were always together; the renegades, yet always the life of the party. we would always stay over in a hotel room and invite everyone back once the formal party had ended and long after the older generation of staff had left. We became known for singing and serving Jack Daniels with eggnog, dubbed Jacknog. (later on Jack Daniels actually came up with this as a cocktail!we were onto something!) Chris would don sunglasses and imitate Ray Charles, belting out "hit the road Jack". to this day I cannot hear the lines "oh woman, oh woman, why don't you treat me right" without hearing his voice and seeing Chris as he sung it.
Max never said as much, but I know that Chris was there for him when we learned that Connor had CP. Chris had so many dark sorrows of his own that he could relate to the pain that Max was going through. I didn't know till later that Chris and Connor shared the same birth date.
our boys came to know Chris as the Cardassian (from Star trek not reality tv) because of his muscular neck and technical abilities that to their young thoughts seemed futuristic. He helped build a drawbridge crank for their fort, which converted him to hero status, so much so that they bought him his own Cardassian figure.
Although I knew that Chris had served in the special forces and had other deep buried pains, I never realised how deep those sorrows ran. I wish that I had. 8 years ago this week, Max got a phone call. He had left Wainbee earlier that year and had not been in contact with many of the people since, so we were surprised when one former co-worker called out of the blue. After hanging up he called me up to our bedroom away from the boys. the look on his face told me something catastrophic had happened. The next 5 minutes were some of the worst minutes of my life. Max held me and told me that Chris had hung himself earlier that day and was dead. If someone had punched me in the stomach, my reaction would not have been any less than it was that evening. We had several losses before, but none like this one. I sobbed and cried as I never had; Max holding me and rocking me as he cried too. I could not believe that this wonderful heroic man was gone from our world. we would never see him again, never hear his delight in singing, never dance in his arms; he was gone and gone by his own hands. I could not reconcile that he was so forlorn that he would choose death over life and I could not believe that we never knew how lost he was.
His wife allowed Wainbee to arrange the funeral and for some perverse reason had a co-worker that both Max and Chris despised give the eulogy. It was polite, formal and nothing like Chris. To this day, Max will get angry if he thinks about Chris' funeral, so we rarely discuss it. Gail, Chris' widow gave us some of his things for the boys. Most precious was a black leather jacket that Connor still wears, mostly to make Max happy!
I miss him to this day and always hurt at this time of year and though Max never says so, I think he feels the same.
So, to honor Chris' memory, I vowed I would do my utmost to keep in contact with those that I truly cared about and make sure that the boys would make their Cardassian proud. I know that he watches over them, and I never hear the song "Hit the road Jack" without thinking of my other true love: Chris.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCxw79kUKpY
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